Saturday, November 13, 2010

To Be or not to be Divorced

I am thinking and awake now so I am going to try what my bff is always doing. She types to work things out on her blog it really works for her and for me I am not sure yet what works.
Prayer of course works great... I just need an outlet for my thoughts as well right now. I know that God has me in his hands and I am under protection for sure. This is deep and hard to talk about without crying for me, at some point while typing I will probably cry.

The other day I was visiting with some friends and we were talking and then question came up whether I like someone again and if I would date someone if I was approached. I always say I am too busy to even consider dating with 3 kids on my own who are 4, 6, 8 and there dad is currently putting them to bed at night when I am working. Also I can hide behind the fact that I am still married to him.

So issue #1 is whether I should file for divorce myself. It was brought to me that if I know in my heart he is not the one I am supposed to be with and God freed me from the continious hurting. I know my mom has never actually paid for her divorce and I was thinking I am not the one who ruined our marriage, why should I pay for a divorce, if I do it then he is scott free...

And issue #2 is If I don't want to be alone forever then how can I date someone while in bondage to my husband I don't want to be with. That was the wisdom from a lady who has been through it and remarried.

And issue # 3 is does God want me to pray for his change and then take him back, I don't think so babout the taking him back part, but other christians sure do...God gave me a verse while going through this change and it was Romans 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. I am praying for change in him fo himself and all the children in his life that need an earthly father. I am however not able to deal with his drama anymore and his baggage and I don't think I need too. I have said that if he were totally filled with the holy spirit and transformed that I might date him. In a previous blog I talked about what kind of Guy I am wanting, and how he #1 needs to have a relationship with our heavenly father already. later on in another post I will talk about forgiveness and how I am doing with that.

For now I am sure that I am dealing with my own life so that I don't bring emotional pain into a relationship. I for sure know that I don't want to be alone forever and that it would be nice to have a companion to talk to and go out with so that I am not accused of taking people away from their spouse and or family. I would hope that within their relationship they are honest with eachother and talk about time they want to spend together and say no to me when they want to be together. Most of the time I won't initiate hanging out so that I am not over stepping. I just wait for invites and phone calls.

Any insight on getting a divorce or not would be welcomed


  1. I've never been through this so all I can say is I love you and I'm praying for you and that God will help you with whatever his plan is for you and the kids...

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  3. Just moved one paragraph to a different place where it made more sense.

    I second what Rachel said.

    The thought did come to my mind when I started reading issue #3, that if and when your husband does turn his life around and change for the better, if at that time a divorce were final, would it be a possibility to remarry?

    Separation sucks, the whole 'being in limbo' part is really really crappy. My pastor (at the time) said to me something about how after a long enough period of time, if one partner looks like the type not to make a decision, the other partner may just need to do that.

    When my husband and I had been living separately for almost a year I decided to try dating again... but everybody's experience is different (even between partners there can be disparity between when the actual 'separation' began, when the marriage ended, etc.) I wanted a companion, knew dating could be a really weird, awkward thing, and at that time I was ready to just get 'starting dating again' over with. I decided on some really clear standards (about who I would date, and how the date would go) and stuck to them. I am SO thankful I did that. There is one particular date that comes to mind, that I cancelled, and I am really glad I didn't go on it.

    Who should pay for the divorce? Whoever's more responsible won't necessarily. You could just accept it as the cost of getting out of a bad marriage (I know, so much easier said than done) if that is the path you decide to take.

    I will continue to pray for you and your family Cheryl.

  4. The important thing is that you have peace from God over what step to take. Only He can guide you. But Biblically if your husband is not a believer he can divorce you. If you are both believers you should not get a divorce unless there is infidelity, then you are free.
    I survived years of infidelity and our marriage is much better after sticking through the horrible rough times! I can't even tell you how making your marriage works after infidelity makes you a stronger Christian! I have been so blessed through it and it has helped my walk and also given me the ability to walk alongside others.
    God has led me to stay in my marriage, otherwise I would have left. You have to go where God leads you.